So who wears the trousers?
by SarahBelle
Summary: A sneek peek into the partnership between Integra and Alucard. Anime based. What does the knight think about the organization's two bloodsucking members? And who wears the trousers in this relationship? Can be read as AxI, playing hard to get.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing, neither the manga nor the anime. Japanese people own both. I don't have any Japanese blood, so it's unlikely I'm heir to either gold mine.**

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This is my first, and probably my only, Hellsing fiction. It is based upon the anime, since that is the only version of the Hellsing universe I am aware with, but in this I _assume_ that the anime Integra knows that Alucard was once Dracula. Well, if she's as smart as she seems to be, she would probably twig if she didn't already read the family records. It's just his name _backwards_, for crying out loud, is it _that_ difficult?****

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So who wears the trousers?

Sir Integral Hellsing smoothed down the legs of her trouser suit as she sat back in her black leather bound chair, and gazed coolly at Alucard. Even in the customary shadows that always seemed to cling around him, especially at night, she could see the grin on his face – and a vampire's grin is certainly a sight to remember.

_Cocky bastard, _she thought, as she lit one of her cigars, tilting her head to keep her long hair out of the way of the flame. She didn't particularly care if he had caught that last thought.

"So, explain to me once again," she ground out, blowing the fragrant smoke through her nose, "just _why _you couldn't simply shoot the girl in the head and let her die a natural, merciful death?"

Her servant's smile widened even further, beyond the range that made her feel tentatively comfortable and into the much wider range where it made her feel definitely uneasy. "Why, Master, because it would have been…what is the word, now?" He hissed through his sharp teeth for a moment in mock remembrance. _He's doing that just to piss me off. _"Oh, yes…_wrong." _

"Don't take that tone with _me, _servant. It is not as if _you_ are an epitome of virtue, after all." She snapped her lighter shut, with a sharp clink that resounded around the dark room, and examined Alucard over the wire rims of her glasses. "So, the great Alucard has suddenly developed a conscience, however perverted? Miracles will never cease, it seems."

"A conscience? Please, Master, give me some credit if nothing else. I simply felt it was such a waste of an innocent young life, caught up in tragic circumstances."

Integra snorted, as she blew out a smoke ring. _Bullshit or what?_ "Innocent life? As far as I am aware, Alucard, you are appreciative of very little, least of all innocence."

"But _you_ are, Master, however little you show it. Why, then, are you so annoyed at my saving the girl's life, rather than condemning her to an early grave?" His face was now filled with a mock innocence of his own, as if he didn't already know the answer to his question inside her mind.

_Time to wipe that sickening expression away._

She leant forward, steepling her fingers and resting her chin on them, in one of her best authoritative poses. "Since your uncanny ability to see inside my head seems to have failed you this time, Alucard, I will tell you the source of my annoyance. I am annoyed because you have _not _saved the girl's life, but rather condemned her to an eternity of darkness and dependence on blood-"

At once he cut in. "She made the decision for herself, Master. As I have told you before."

"A decision she did not fully understand, and only accepted in the face of death. Do not interrupt me again, _servant." _She was pleased to see that the self-satisfied smirk on his face was curtailed somewhat by that remark. Taking the cigar out of her mouth, she went on, "Continuing with the former thread of conversation: despite that fact that you _are _my servant, you neglected to seek my approval for this venture. I authorised you to terminate the priest; I did _not_ authorise you to create a fledgling for yourself in the process. Furthermore, you act in direct defiance of my will, by insisting that she not only be left _un-terminated_, but actually _transferred_ to our forces!" She sat back again, watching the vampire intently. "Not exactly the behaviour of a loyal, obedient slave, is it, _Alucard?"_

To his credit, she supposed, he kept cool in the face of her fire, and in the face of being labelled as something he despised above all other things. He only smiled his customary, slightly mad (all right, more than slightly mad) smile. "So much anger, Master – especially in the last of your reasons. Averse to the idea of retaining a vampire in your employment? That sentiment seems a little redundant by now, don't you think?"

"Alucard, you know as well as I do that many members of the Round Table are…not exactly enamoured of our partnership. They claim that to employ a vampire lord as a hit man, when our mission is to hunt down and destroy the creatures of the night altogether, is hypocritical, and even blasphemous. I expect you can imagine the field day they will have if the girl is enlisted. To retain one vampire is unfortunately necessary; to retain _two _begins to look like carelessness."

"Surely you have never been one to care for what the Round Table thinks, Integra?"

That was certainly true. The youngest and only female in the elite council for several of the knights of England, she had certainly risen above the influence and scorn of her fellow members in the years since she had joined the council, by hook or by crook, and often by her own sacrifices into the bargain. And she had risen above caring what they thought of her as well.

But this was different.

"Normally the answer would be yes, Alucard. But this time, I confess that I share the opinion that they would undoubtedly have, should this little desire of yours come to pass." She stood up sharply, pushing her chair back, to emphasise her point, slamming her hands down on the table. "This girl is a hindrance rather than an asset, and I am not prepared to take the risk of her running rampant and becoming dominated by a lust for blood, just so that you can have another little worshipper!"

"But I made a _promise _to her that I would save her. She let me shoot her through the chest, because she trusted me."

His words, dropping quietly into the ringing echoes of her outburst, seemed to be far more powerful than her own. The smile was back on his face again.

"You would not have me betray her trust and break my vow, would you, Master?"

There was silence for a moment.

_Damn you, Alucard._

The fabric of her trouser legs rustled faintly as she sat down again, taking her time. Slowly, deliberately, she took the cigar out of her mouth, and broke it in two with the fingers of one hand, the fragments sticking to her white glove, wishing it was one of the limbs of her disobedient vampire servant she was breaking instead.

"All right, Alucard," she said, quietly, depositing the remains in the ashtray, "you win…for now. She will – live, to a certain degree, and I will even take her under this roof. Walter will attend to her needs. But," she went on, wishing to wipe that triumphant grin off his face, or at least dilute it, as soon as possible, "in the end, since you made her, she is _your _responsibility and yours alone. You will make sure that she obeys you in all things, and above all that she feeds regularly; I _don't_ want another bloodbath caused by maddening hunger in this house."

"Naturally." Alucard's smile was reminiscent of the one he had worn all those years ago, when he had ripped Richard's henchmen – and to a lesser extent Richard – apart. She knew he remembered all too well; to a vampire like him it was probably as if it had happened yesterday morning.

"But above all remember with that wonderful memory of yours that I require some return on my investments. In this case, I shall expect her to prove herself to be of some use. And if such is not the case, then I shall be having words on this subject with you, I assure you. I am not prepared to offer free board and lodging for any candidates you may be gathering for a new harem."

The vampire had been nodding complacently at all her requirements, but the last statement appeared to be funny to him, as he chuckled; a deep, macabre sound. He only ever laughed like that when he was amused by something she had said, or by the feeble efforts of a pathetic enemy – and she suspected that there might be a connection between the two causes. "A harem? Believe me, my Master, if I wanted to start a harem, little Miss. Police-girl Seras Victoria would _not_ be my first choice of a concubine."

"Really? I always assumed that you were a _sucker_ for the swooning damsel in distress, if you will pardon the extremely overused pun. A certain young lady in a white nightdress, sleepwalking to a bench in a moonlit cliff-top graveyard, seems to spring to mind for some reason." Integra paused, savouring the extra barb. "A young lady with bright blue eyes and long golden curls, no less."

Alucard growled, his red eyes shadowed, all joviality seemingly gone. "Lucy Westenra was a snack. Admittedly a rather extended snack, but a snack first and foremost. Her blood was satisfying, but I never truly had any intention of making her a vampire, at least at first. It was only when Van Hellsing began to try to protect her – 'try' being the word, of course," he added, grinning at her expression as he spoke so dismissively of her ancestor's efforts, "that I was inspired to make her into my fledging. Though not a complete one; I didn't wish to have an immature little disciple running around after me, while I was trying to achieve my great aim."

"So you turned Lucy simply to spite my forefather, and then left her to her own devices? That was rather cold, even for you."

"Vampire, remember, Integra. It's what I do."

"Well, not any more," she said definitely. "You have changed this Seras Victoria girl, and for better or for worse you are stuck with her now, whether as a disciple or a fledgling, or even a lover, if such takes your sick fancy." She stood up, waving her hand to indicate that the meeting was over. "Enjoy your new responsibility, Alucard."

But her servant did not leave. Instead he remained, the moonlight glinting on his fangs and on the glasses he still held loosely in one hand, his red eyes fixed upon her in a way that made her feel even more uncomfortable than she already was.

"Yes, servant? Was there anything else you wished to discuss? Any other fledglings you neglected to mention?" she snapped, desperately wishing she still had the cigar so that she could bite on it in annoyance.

"Of _course_ not, Master. Judging by your reaction to _this _one, I wouldn't keep my head for long if any more appeared. It was just that, there was another strand of anger tied in with your thoughts regarding the police-girl – perhaps a hint of jealousy?" His smile would have caused his own immediate downfall, as well as the downfall of many saints. Female ones, at least.

It wasn't hard for her to realise what he was getting at. "Now, wherever could you have gotten that idea, Alucard?" she asked calmly. "Jealous of a girl who has had all hopes of a normal life taken away from her, jealous of a girl who may soon wish that she is dead rather than what she now is? If anything, I should feel sorry for her, rather than envy her." She sat back down again, sinking back into her chair and putting her hands on the arm rests, the very picture of a queen in the middle of her empire, very much confident. "And besides, I do not believe that I fit the criteria of the ranks of the Un-Dead, in case you are getting any ideas. A vampire must be willing to accept the shadow, must passionately want to live, to a degree; and I, unfortunately, fulfil neither category."

"Then again, to become a vampire one must be a virgin, and yet I managed to achieve my present state easily enough despite that."

Integra wrinkled her nose. "Thank you for that pleasant allusion, Alucard. Enchanting though your sexual history may be, however, it holds no fascination for _me. _Nor do any clumsy hints you might make at my opinion on this subject."

She knew very well what he was implying. Hah! As if _she _would be jealous of that little police-girl, simply because she had had Alucard's mouth on her. He _would _think that. _Or rather hope for it._

She was perfectly aware of the fact that her servant desired her, had desired her practically since she had hit puberty, perhaps even before that; she would have been an idiot to think otherwise. She also knew that his desire was not the common lust he had for many things – among them battle, weapons, killing and especially blood – but something far deeper and more primal. Not a longing to ravish her, though…well, maybe that in time…but, above all, to turn her.

She had been equal to that, though. Through the years, as she had gradually grown aware of her own femininity and its effect upon her servant, so she had grown to cast it off just as quickly; but not just her skirts and blouses in favour of tailored suits.

_If beauty is what attracts and distracts us, then I shall have to remove the distraction. If passion is what turns him on, I shall just have to turn it off._

She did not begrudge the loss of her softer side, her gentler emotions. In some ways, that part of her had died the moment that she had shot Richard through the head in Alucard's dungeon when she was thirteen. In her limited experience of passion and affection, you only ended up getting hurt, one way or another. The last two – really the only two - men she had loved freely and without restraint had been her father and her uncle; and one had died and left her, and the other had betrayed her and in the end had driven her to kill him. In that fleeting instant between breath and breath, when she had rested her weak arms, one of them injured and bleeding, on Alucard's supporting arm which only a minute before had entrapped her, feeling the vampire shudder unconsciously despite himself at her adolescent touch, focusing on her uncle's hated form to put a bullet through him, she had had a revelation as to how life should be lived: not as a child, or as a woman. They were the two worst things to be.

In that instant, in her mind, she had ceased to be either.

_Vampires are passionate,_ she knew. _Vampires are lustful. Vampires are wanton. They are corrupt, bloodsucking filth of the night, and if he presumes to think that I will _ever_ willingly become one of them, then he is so very, very wrong._

"Have you anything else to say?"

Her vampire servant put his head on one side, a very mockery of wide eyed innocence. "Would you like to know why I became interested in Mina Harker, Master?"

"Pardon?" _Changing the subject, Alucard?_She quickly regained control of herself."Why? What does that have to do with this?" _Or maybe it has everything to do with it._

Alucard stretched out his long arms, a new, uncharacteristic smile upon his face. It seemed almost – _wistful. _"Do you remember your ancestor's description of that wonderful woman, 'pearl among women'? How he described her? With a man's brain, and of an intelligent man at that, and a woman's heart?"

"Your point?" Integra asked narrowly, not liking where this was going.

Alucard's face was now shadowed in darkness, but his red eyes and white fangs gleamed out of the shadows, defying all physics. _But then, when has physics ever mattered with him? _"Let us just say, I prefer my women to be strong as steel, rather than wilting flowers. Flowers can only be crushed, but steel can be forged into a powerful weapon. It makes the conquest and remoulding all the more entertaining, and ultimately satisfying."

"The typical chauvinist pig, then?" she shot back, unable to resist.

His chuckle melted into the darkness, along with his form, leaving only his eyes, glowing like two blood red lamps. "Oh, indeed, Master. So you need not fear of any infatuation I might have with the police girl – when I create myself a companion, I will have made sure she transcends weakness and narrow-mindedness, and forsakes all other passions for a hidden one, that I will feel yet." Even his eyes were fading now, yet one winked at her. "And when the time comes for that passion to be unveiled, she will not fall into my arms, but instead show me her pretty pale throat and lovely body at last, after keeping it hidden from me behind nasty, harsh defences for so long…Master."

Unconsciously Integra's hand went to the cross-shaped pin which held her cravat in place, and which ensured that almost all of her throat and cleavage was hidden from public view by various different shades of silk each day. It was as if she could feel the pulse beneath her skin, even through the silk, the metal of the cross and the fabric of her glove, hammering against her fingers. She felt as if she had been unexpectedly checkmated, and not just in a meaningless game of chess, but for the whole of her life, in everything she had done and everything she had said since _he _had first come into her life and caused her to throw aside everything she had been, in favour of the creature he had wished her to become.

_Alucard…you utter _bastard.

But she would be damned if she would let him have the last word. Swiftly taking her hand away from the pin, she said quite calmly, "I wish you good luck in finding and…_remoulding _that most fortunate of ladies, then, Alucard. But until that _blessed _day, remember that you are still _my _servant; that _I _say who you do and do not seduce…and that _I _am the one who wears the trousers in this particular relationship."

The very shadows seemed to echo with the vampire's laughter, even as they removed themselves languorously, leaving the room almost as dark as it had been before, but considerably warmer than before. Integra was left staring at nothing, her fingernails digging through her gloves and into the polished surface of the desk. Her hands, however, she was dimly pleased to note, were perfectly steady.

With a sigh, she reached for the box of cigars, and then thought better of it, which was practically a first for her. Instead, to get her mind of her current thoughts – _all right, my vampire servant has made it his mission to turn me into his perfect little concubine, and apparently he's made quite a good job of it so far - _she conjured up an image of Hellsing's newest, second (and hopefully last) vampire member. She hadn't seen much of her, muffled up in a blanket in Alucard's arms as she had been – strawberry blonde hair, round face, button nose, and the obligatory blood red vampire eyes. She hadn't looked as if she'd be able to take on a vampire _bat_, let alone a fully fledged freak. Well, only time would tell on that matter.

_Knowing Alucard, he'll probably insist that her uniform includes a short skirt. Perverseness doesn't seem to change much over the centuries. _

However, she herself could be comforted by the fact that, however Alucard might have taken advantage of the way she had shaped her life since the beginning of his servitude to her, at least she could be certain that he couldn't see anything he wasn't supposed to see – in her own very definite opinion – when or _if _she bent over.

Though it wouldn't surprise her if he had found other 'methods' to combat that particular problem. He was, after all, very good at what he did, in every respect.

Her trousers rustled as she re-crossed her legs and leant back in her seat; and if Alucard had been present she was sure that he would certainly be quick to point out that her thoroughly masculine legs were folded in a _definitely_ feminine position.

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Did anyone get the references to Terry Pratchett and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold? I know I did; but I was writing the thing so it didn't count.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Sad.**

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I was soimpressed by the feedback I received on this, I decided to do another chapter. I didn't expect people to react so much! Consequently, I decided to change this from a one shot to something longer in the long run.**_

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God, I need this soak._

Integra turned off the hot tap, then allowed herself a moment of enjoyment as she felt the steam radiating off the bath, despite the large amount of bubbles which floated on the surface, obscuring almost the entire surface of the water from view.

What would her employees say if they knew that their employer harboured a penchant for bubbles in her bath?

It wasn't often she got to take baths these days, since she had taken to showers very early in her leadership of Hellsing in favour of their swiftness and efficiency. However, there _were _occasions when she did find time to relax in the tub. True the times were few and far between, but that was what made them all the more precious – a rare treat, to be earned and savoured. _Such as now._

Still, with the pleasure always came the pain…

But for now, nothing would spoil her enjoyment of this, her long awaited, much needed soak.

She stepped back from the tub, and unfastened the cross pin at her throat, followed in swift succession by the pulling away of her derby and the stripping off of her already unbuttoned jacket. She heaped them upon the chair she had position on one side of the bath, careful to drape the jacket across the back so that it would hang properly. Her shoes went neatly in between the legs of the seat, her socks inside them.

Unbuttoning her shirt, Integra felt the familiar bite of nerves at the prospect of uncovering herself – though she dressed as a man, she obviously did not share their confidence in baring her thorax. Once the shirt was doffed, she did not proceed any further until she had picked up one of the large, fluffy white towels Walter had obligingly left by the bath – usually the only part he played in these 'bath nights' – and wrapped it securely around herself, before proceeding to peel off her extreme undergarments.

Contrary to popular if hushed legend among the soldiers, Integra did _not_ bind her bosom. However, she _did_ spend a lot more than she personally felt was necessary for items of brassiere which kept her surprisingly large breasts under strict control – she didn't see the need for unnecessary and potentially distracting bouncing and bulging in that particular area. Nonetheless, she could not help breathing a sigh of relief as, with a practised hand and careful manipulation, the restricting crop-top bra was loosened and slipped off, giving her more freedom to move, and especially breathe.

With her shirt and bra placed carefully on the seat of the chair, all that was left were her trousers, which she quickly slipped off from underneath the towel, along with her boxer shorts. For all the importance the garments were of to her, she could discard them very easily, it seemed. Before the cool air had time to chill her skin, she was pulling a hair band off her wrist and tying her hair back twice above her head to make sure it would not fall down; hoisting up the towel and raising her leg, she dipped it into the water.

_Mmm. Just right._

Swiftly she shed her towel, and hopped over the side of the tub into the slightly too hot water. She could not help letting out a sigh of delight as she sank down into the bubbles up to her neck.

_This is the life, _she thought, as she luxuriated in the water's warm embrace, and let it soothe all her aches and pains away, lapping even at the back of her neck and her collarbone like a gentle caress. Somehow, she could not resist the childish urge to scoop up some of the bubbles in her hands, and with a puff of breath blow them into the air. They didn't get far, of course, but landed with a plop back on top of their fellows. During the bubble baths of her younger days, she would always try to sculpt the foam into various shapes, with varying degrees of success, but now she was simply content to lie back and watch her fluffy white nest in contentment.

Still, she felt that there could perhaps be a few _more_ bubbles. After all, this was a special treat – _well, why not? _She extracted her left arm from the soapy water with care so that it would not drip over the floor, and reached down for the bottle of her favourite bubble-bath.

The sudden crisping of the hairs on her arm, even more than was usual for hot wet flesh meeting the cooler air, at once shot her hand to the pocket of her trousers instead, to rapidly whip out the little surprise she had kept hidden there. With almost pin-point accuracy, she aimed her gun right between Alucard's eyes from where his head protruded out of the wall.

The vampire didn't seem to be in the least disconcerted at being caught out in his potential spying, but only grinned happily. "You are getting very quick, Master," he purred, as he slipped the rest of his body into the room and his feet landed on the floor.

"Let us say that noticing the air has become considerably colder than before is much easier when you are wet, and dare I say it, _bare_, Alucard." Integra leant back a little, sinking further down into the bubbles, but keeping the gun trained upon him all the time. "What brings you here, servant?" she went on, as if neither of them knew just why Alucard had invaded her bathroom – _again._

"I have a question to ask you, Master." As he took a step closer, she casually levelled the gun to remain between his eyes. She felt that he was feeling rebellious tonight, even with the binding, and it was best to be on the safe side.

"Could it not have waited for a more convenient occasion?"

He flashed a smile of pearly white teeth. "It was one of those inquiries which demanded an answer as soon as it was thought of."

She resigned herself as she sank further down, just to make absolutely sure he couldn't see anything he wasn't supposed to. "Very well, then. Ask away."

"You used to have a mirror or two in this room, didn't you, Integra." She was really getting tired of that façade of innocence he had taken to adopting. "Yet now they are all gone, and most of the ones in your bedchamber as well. I was curious as to _why_ you should make this change in the décor."

"Yes, I imagine you _would_ be. It may interest you to know, Alucard, that vanity is one of the seven greatest sins, and thus I have chosen to abscond from it by banishing all opportunities of viewing my body, to ensure my modesty and self-shame." He snorted; obviously he thought her insusceptible to any form of shame. _He has no idea._ "And also because I was not exactly enamoured of the multitudes of blinking red eyes which winked at me in a _most_ lewd fashion out of every available reflective surface every time I took my shirt off."

His cacophonous laughter echoed around the room. "Oh, you are a modest little flower indeed, Master!"

"But did you not say a short while ago that I was not a flower, but made of steel?"

"True, true," the vampire admitted, seeming to gain control of himself at once. "And in light of that truth, I suppose that I too must be truthful." He drew closer still, his boots brushing the edge of the steps which led up to the bath. "It was not only that question which drew me to you tonight."

"Really," Integra stated dryly, or as dryly as she could in a potentially vulnerable position while her vampire servant approached for unknown reasons.

His head tilted on one side, his sun glasses sliding down with no apparent help on his part, so that one yellow red eye could wink at her. "You are bleeding, Master."

"Of course, Alucard. Why else do you think I would be taking a bath? It is, after all, the recommended course to ease the pangs." She easily read the obscure but obvious desire in his slit-pupil eyes; Alucard practically went wild when this time of the month came around. For the life of her she couldn't see why; she had no real theory as to why her dead, wasted blood was so fascinating to him. Maybe it was the sheer amount of it that was shed that attracted him; her periods were often exceptionally, though she refused to take pills to control them. "Oh, I _see. _Aren't you full from last night, from feeding on that police girl? No, of course you're not. Just like a greedy little boy who's stuffed himself full of sweets, and now comes begging for a lick of the spoon."

"Or perhaps a lick of the _bowl, _in this case," the vampire smoothly retorted – they both knew what he was alluding to. "And I am tempted to do so because the cake mixture is just so _good. _Far surpassing any sickly sucrose creation."

"I suppose I should be flattered." Integra crossed one leg over the other, her dark, streaming knee emerging ever so slightly out of the water and bubbles. His eyes at once were attracted to it, and further up her hidden body, she didn't fail to note. "But regardless of what my moon blood tastes like, Alucard, you aren't getting _any_ of it. Unless you are particularly inspired to drink my bath water, by any chance?"

"No, no, Master. I would rather leave it well alone, to admire you all the better."

_Admire me all the better? _Even she was prepared to admit she had expected that he would prefer to admire her _without _the water, perverted though the desire certainly would be.

Alucard's grin grew softer, as he enjoyed her evident puzzlement. "You present a divine masque, Integra; a beautiful spectacle. Maintaining your modesty by your nest of bubbles and water, your golden hair gleaming – you seem to be Aphrodite herself, rising from the foam of the sea."

Integra cleared her throat. This was going too far, and she did not particularly like the look on her servant's face. "Such romance, Alucard; I never knew you had it in you. But I would prefer not to be compared to a goddess who was not only born from the blood of another god's testicles, but was also a whore and an adulteress into the bargain."

"I see. I suppose that the Lady of Love does not exactly recommend herself to your – _delicate _sensibilities. So you would rather be Artemis, then?"

She had to smile at that. "The Maiden Goddess? The Divine Huntress? Yes, I would have to say that I would infinitely prefer that association. After all, Aphrodite only lay about waiting to get seduced by handsome mortals."

Too late she realised the irony of her words – that a handsome immortal would very much like to seduce _her _– but Alucard appeared to ignore the opportunities for exploiting her statement. He seemed to have his eyes set on a much greater prize. "And like Artemis, you would be full of wrath if any man saw you bathing?"

"Oh, indeed. So if the unwelcome intruder came any closer to seeing what he should not, he would receive my wrath right between the eyebrows – all 5cm of it." She straightened her arm, bringing the gun closer to him, to emphasise her point.

Surprisingly, he didn't seem to be at all ruffled. "Why, no turning me into a stag and setting hounds to chase me down and tear me into pieces? Such is not the behaviour of the Divine Huntress, Master!"

"No. I suspect that would be more in _your_ line of dealing with unwelcome intruders, whereas I simply use my marksmanship to the best advantage. Such as now. I think you have overstayed your welcome, Actaeon, and I advise you to leave, before you receive _my _version of the vengeance of outraged Artemis."

"So I may not even see the vision of the goddess unclothed?"

"For _that _privilege, Alucard, you yourself would have to pay in a similar coin," she retorted smoothly, even as she screamed inwardly _What am I **saying?**_

"Oh, my Master, I sense you are issuing a challenge." Alucard's chuckle echoed as he stepped forward and upwards. She tensed herself, preparing to fire – it was evident that her servant was feeling amorous, his desires heightened by the scent of her body stripping away her wasted blood and flesh inside her. Silently she cursed. _Why couldn't I just have taken a shower instead? _But the next instant she was caught up in watching Alucard, and what he was doing.

For the instant he had stepped up onto the first step, his red coat had melted away, disappearing into his shadow like rivulets of blood diluting into water, and with it his darker inner coat, leaving his black waistcoat to gleam in the soft bathroom lights, and contrast with the snow whiteness of his shirt. Now, the only drops of colour in him were his eyes and the crimson of his ascot, spilling down like the contents of a gorgeously slit throat.

"Alucard? What are you doing?" she asked, tentatively.

The vampire made no reply, but took another step forward. His boot clicked for only a moment on the tiled surface, before it too disappeared, and the other with it, leaving Alucard's trousers free to puddle around his bare feet – his bare feet? Integra could never remember, in her whole time of knowing her servant, _ever _seeing him with bare feet! She looked up just in time to see his waistcoat and ascot disappear as well, blending into the shadow which now followed him, leaving his white shirt fairly glowing, and slowly unbuttoning, his black hair writhing seemingly of his own free will down onto his shoulders.

"Alucard, what is the meaning of this?" she demanded, more harshly now. What did he aim to achieve with this strange strip tease?

"Patience, Integra. I am merely rising to your challenge."

"Oh, really? Well if you think you're stripping off in here, then you have another-"

But as he stepped up onto the top step, only a foot or so away from her, she felt the binding flex, even as Alucard's very skin and form disappeared, and he himself melted into shadows; the darkness swallowing up his form like the pale flame of a candle abruptly going out – but not departing as he usually did, instead leaving an aura of darkness which was beginning to invade every corner of the bathroom.

_Of course, _she thought, even as she restrained herself from drawing in a sharp breath. _To a true vampire, to be devoid of flesh and shape is true nakedness._

"A very good ploy, Alucard," she said aloud, even as she darted a glance at the tendrils of shadow encroaching on the gleam of the bathroom lights, dimming the light in the room "But I am afraid you rather took me at my word. I have no intention of getting out of this bathtub while you are anywhere in the vicinity, and I suspect you know me well enough to believe me in _that_."

_I did not expect for a moment that you would acquiesce, Master. But I have a different aim in mind. _Even as her servant's disembodied voice echoed around her, she felt the binding jerk again, signifying that the vampire was gaining access to more of his power.

_What the devil is he playing at now? This has gone too far. _But even as she opened her mouth to command him to cease and depart, her attention was caught and held by what was going on further down the tub.

Around the area of her abdomen, something was happening to the water; the bubbles on the surface were rippling gently, as the water itself began to take on a new colour – and a very distinctive colour at that. Before she even had time to react, the ghastly shade was spreading to the rest of the tub, down to her toes and up past her sides, washing both over and under her body – she _felt_ the change as it swept along, brushing her skin. Even the bubbles did not escape the illusion – in a few moments, they resembled nothing more nor less than crimson froth, worthy of being spilled from the gnashing fangs and mouth of the most rabid of vampires.

Of course, she knew that the illusion was simply that, an illusion, just as she could tell that her bathwater had not actually turned to blood – it didn't have that particular liquid's consistency or smell. Still, it was convincing enough that it was all she could do to make herself keep still and not squirm, as she glared up at where she guessed Alucard's head now was, since two of his many red eyes had opened in roughly that position.

"Playing Moses are we now, servant? I must admit, this is a bit of a comedown after the Nile."

"Oh, Integra." Alucard's voice rippled around her, both slightly mocking and yet more gentle that it had been in a long time. "Can you not see? The image of the Divine Huntress, the Virgin Goddess, bathing in her moon blood? The celebration of her body's own mystery?" As if on an unbidden signal, literally thousands of eyes opened in the darkness all around her, focusing on her as she sat tensely soaking in make-believe blood. She had never before felt so exposed, even with the red foam still shielding her. She shivered in anger. _How **dare **he? _The countless orbs winked in amusement, as the vampire's voice trickled into her ears, no matter how hard she tried to keep it out. "And perhaps, one day, Integra, it might be the blood of _others."_

"But probably not tonight." Integra forced her teeth not to chatter – the water, far from being hot now, literally seemed to be freezing her flesh, and other parts besides. But the gun she held in her hand was perfectly steady, and right on target. "You have proved your point, Alucard. Now get out, before I suddenly have more in common with Aphrodite than I would wish."

There was silence, as all the eyes suddenly focused on exactly _where _she was pointing the gun. The shadow mass in front of her had gone _very _still. Even in his shadow form, Alucard was still susceptible to wounds and subsequent pain. Most he disregarded, even enjoyed – but there was at least _one _pain Integra guessed that he would not be able to endure so easily.

Even so, the vampire made no move to retaliate, nor retreat.

"You heard me, servant. Go. _Now." _

Slowly, the eyes closed and the darkness receded, and as it did so the crimson and ice seeped from the bathwater, until it was clear and hot once more. She let a shudder pass through her frame, yet she still kept the gun trained on Alucard, who had reformed himself, however sulkily, by the wall where he had made his first appearance, back in his waistcoat and firmly buttoned up shirt.

"Didn't I tell you to get out?" she snapped. "Go ogle your new toy, if such is your desire!"

"But you are much more fun to observe, Master!" The vampire seemed to have regained some of his stamina and joviality, now he no longer had the barrel of her gun pressed to part of his anatomy that had still existed, even in shadow form.

"Perhaps, but from what I know of the police girl she has the added advantage of having scruples about shooting you somewhere that I am sure would take a while for even _you _to regenerate, Alucard." She raised her other hand out of the water, and shooed him away. "Now, _leave._ That is an order."

The vampire mockingly bowed, then faded away into the wall.

"And don't even think about watching me through the walls!"

There was no reply.

Integra sat back in the bath with a groan. _If he had gone any further, I would have _had _to shoot him. What's gotten into him lately?_

But she knew…the police girl. _Seras Victoria. _Now that he had turned a person for the first time in over an hundred years, he was getting above himself – yet again. Well, the only way to deal with his new found rebellion was to undermine it, as well as any attempts he might have to make the girl more like him. It was bad enough having _two _vampires in the legions without _both_ of them getting uppity.

She settled back in the tub, but the water, however hot it now was, seemed to have lost its appeal after its brief transformation. Cursing Alucard silently under her breath, she abandoned her soak and got up, grabbing the shed towel and wrapping it around herself once more.

As she stepped out of the bath, she felt the water trickle down the inside of her thighs – along with something else. She didn't even need to look to see the blood, thick with her shed flesh, staining her skin and the towel, like a virgin deflowered on her wedding night.

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And finish. If you're not essentially clued up on Greek mythology, I shall give you a few helping hints, since I'm such a nice authoress. (Grin.)**

**(1) Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of Love and Beauty (and yes, a bit of a slut in my opinion) was born when Uranus, the father of Cronos, the father of Zeus and most of the chief gods, was defeated by his son (Cronos) who, presumably to rub the victory in, castrated him. _Ouch. _The blood dripped into the sea, creating 'aphros' foam, from which Aphrodite emerged, fully formed. She existed merely to be beautiful and admired, and apparently to have affairs with just about every attractive male being under the sun – though, considering her name basically means 'frothy', I think she did pretty well for herself, even if she did cause the Trojan War by tempting Paris and everything.**

**(2) Artemis, meanwhile was about as different from Aphrodite as two _really_ dissimilar things can be. She was born in a perfectly normal fashion (normal for Greek mythology, that is; read it as Zeus having one of his many affairs, on this occasion with her mother Leto, and she growing into adulthood as soon as she was born – well, more normal than some other of Zeus's daughters at least), she was the goddess of the moon, the hunt and protector of wild animals, and she was most _definitely_ a virgin. At least, I _think _she was…though there was that whole business with Orion…anyway, she didn't like men seeing her bathing, and one man, Acteon, being unfortunate enough to do so, suffered the extremely nasty fate as listed above. The moral of the story is; _don't spy on goddesses in the nudd. _It's really not worth it in the long run. Really! You'll either be struck blind, lame or dead – or all three!**

**(3) And for any one who is interested in that sort of thing – in the Bible, if a girl is not believed to have been a virgin on her wedding night, her father can take the bloodstained bed-sheets to the Elders and claim that the husband was lying in his claim. Of course, if the girl _wasn't _a virgin, she'd be stoned to death, or some such charming fate. This probably wouldn't work in this day and age, since with all the activities and running around and playing sports that most girls do, the necessary barrier a.k.a the hymen, inside the body that was usually torn on the wedding night, causing the blood, often breaks without our even noticing it. We could _all _have been stoned to death in Biblical times! Comforting thought.**

**Seriously, who needs all the anime and manga, when you can have legends and Biblical texts? So much blood. So much _blooood…_**

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Also, I'm not exactly sure about Alucard's solidity when in his dark, spooky shadowy-eye form (the words of she who has not read the manga). I'm guessing that if he can get his dogs to chew up Luke, Integra can find something to aim at that will _hurt._**

**I got the idea for this chapter from a picture I found on Deviant Art, but can't find now, sob sob. It was of Integra in the bath (one _without_ bubbles, but her hair prevented you from seeing anything) looking pretty P.O.'d, pointing her gun at the viewer, but actually is aimed at Alucard, who we can see from the mirror set behind her grinning at her out of the wall. I just thought; did he do that sort of thing often? And was Integra prepared? Shppff; she'd been living with the vamp for ten years. Stupid question. **

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Review, please?**


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